“Wertheim? WERTHEIM! Your brother was arrested for baby rape in Chicago last week!” the defense attorney exclaimed to me. He was the same attorney who had told my partner she looked fat in stripes.
In an earlier story, I recounted the strategy defense attorney Robert J. “Bob” Hirsh used to rattle crucial prosecution witnesses before they took the witness stand. He would call for a short recess immediately prior to an important witness taking the stand, then say something intended to upset them in passing in the hall or as they entered the courtroom.
I had developed numerous fingerprints of the same individual on two illegal steroid labs constructed in rental storage units that blew up during cooking. The narcs took down a third lab while it was cooking and arrested a suspect. I identified his prints from the first two labs and on the glassware in the third lab, as well.
The suspect was going to be tried in Federal Court. Knowing Hirsh’s tactic, I decided to beat him at his own game. I was in the hall waiting to testify when the witness before me came out of the courtroom. The bailiff was on his heels and announced a short recess. I jumped up and bolted into the courtroom.
Bob Hirsh was standing at the defense table and was startled to see me rushing at him with my right hand outstretched. He reached out to shake hands as I gushed, “Mr. Hirsh, I’m Pat Wertheim. I can’t tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to this and how excited I am to testify for you!”
It took Hirsh a second to recover from being accosted by a prosecution witness in this manner, but he quickly launched into his prepared comment to unsettle me: “Wertheim? Wertheim! Your brother was arrested for baby rape in Chicago last week!”
I actually laughed at the outlandish line he had come up with and exclaimed “HA! It won’t work, Hirsh!” as I spun and turned my back on him, hastening over to the prosecution table.
When recess was over and I took the stand, the prosecutor led me through the crime scene processing and the fingerprint identifications to the defendant at all three scenes. He concluded his direct with “No further questions.”
The judge asked Mr. Hirsh, “Do you have any questions for this witness, Counselor?”
I had turned to face the defense table and was leaning forward with a big grin on my face as Bob Hirsh stood, looked up, and locked eyes with me. He hesitated for just a moment and said, “No questions, your honor.” He sat back down.
“You may be excused, Mr. Wertheim,” the judge said, and I left the courtroom without another glance toward the defense table.
While testimony is all about telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, whether you like it or not, sometimes there is acting and gamesmanship involved in being an effective witness.